Eating Disorders

Jane’s* Weight Obsession

I didn’t start out trying to lose this much weight. But as I lost more and more, I sure was getting noticed!

Everyone was telling me how good l looked. That felt great.

Little did they know about the arguments I was having at home or how it feels to not eat for 10 hours. It made me feel powerful. Few people can accomplish what I have.

I used to weigh myself once a week, but then it became once a day – now it’s every 15 or 20 minutes. I know that’s stupid. I can’t burn calories by just sitting here. I better get myself moving.

Sally’s* Loss of Control

I finally decided that the eating disorder was controlling my life. I got to where I had to check for the closest bathroom before eating anything. I could keep nothing down anymore.

What had started as a cool way to control weight gain had become an obsession that was controlling me.

I admitted I had a problem, and I went to a residential eating disorders treatment center. I learned a lot about eating disorders. And I have been doing ok. But now I’m feeling the urges return.

I’m not sure what is making that happen. I thought I had beaten this thing. I know I never want to return to treatment again, but I also know the thoughts and feelings are returning. I’m scared.

Gwen’s* Roller Coaster Dieting

I have been heavy all of my life. I was bullied on the playground from the earliest time that I can remember. They always called me the fat kid. The taunting only made me eat more. I couldn’t tell anyone about this bullying – I was too ashamed. I knew it was my fault.

So, I went on a diet. I lost so much weight that the kids at school started talking to me differently. They liked me! The boys noticed me. My dreams had come true – I was now skinny like all the other girls.

That was about 20 diets ago. Every time I went on a diet, I noticed the weight coming back. As much as I tried to fight it, I stayed hungry, causing my eating to be out of control. Every time I dieted and lost weight, the pounds just returned and then some.

My life has become a series of yo-yo dieting. I look at pictures of myself when I was younger, and I thought I was fat; what I wouldn’t give to be that size today.

I’ve done every diet known to man. And they all work – for a while. I had a stretch of about three years where I kept the weight off. But today, at age 48, I’m the biggest I’ve ever been, and the diets don’t even seem to work anymore.

Either I can’t stick to diets, or diets don’t work as well as they used to work. I feel doomed to be the “fat kid” forever.

Eating Disorders are Complex Illnesses

And each person has a unique story behind what created their illness.

I have learned over the years that eating disorders come into your life at a time of stress, and it helped you deal with that stress.

Food or your eating disorder can feel like a best friend who was with you through the worst parts of your life, but then, it can become the worst part of your life.

An eating disorder’s complexity becomes more difficult because it is not like anyone can “give up” food. We need food to live. So, creating a healthy relationship with food and releasing yourself from the fears, shame, and over-importance of food is part of the healing journey.

Break the Cycle

Recovering from an eating disorder can feel impossible – that healthy part of you, the part that wants to recover, seems always to get crushed by the eating disorder thoughts. You make up “food rules,” then you make up ways to break those rules.

It feels like there’s no hope, the cycle seems endless. It’s not – you can get better. Recovery begins with awareness and with an understanding of what started it all.

But it doesn’t end with cognitive understanding. It takes change and learning to trust that inner “knowing.” You need to learn that you are good enough and that you always have been.

Learning to Trust Your Intuition

You can break the cycle of your eating disorder.

It starts with learning to trust yourself and following your intuition.

Let’s start that learning journey together.

Give me a call. I’m here to help.

*Names have been changed to protect client confidentiality.